Lower School Division News April 17, 2025

By Dr. Debra Sass, Lower School Division Head

Dear parents and families,

In keeping with my last article in The Nest, I’d like to recommend a book entitled How to Discipline Kids without Losing Their Love and Respect.  The book is based on a PBS presentation and addresses some of the typical battles that we face at school, as well as at home.  Arguing and backtalk - as well as conflicts over homework and academic performance are targeted.  Perhaps getting your children to do their chores is a problem that you face at home.  The book turns this problem into an asset by using chores as the foundation for developing a child’s sense of responsibility and self-esteem.  The book highlights the fact that chores have consequences far beyond just getting things done – they help children in other areas of life.  For example, they help with homework and academic performance.

In brief, the book describes two simple rules. 

• Rule 1: Adults take good care of themselves by setting limits without anger, lectures, threats, or repeated warnings.
• Rule 2: When a child causes a problem, the adult hands it back in loving ways.

The keys to the success of implementing these rules include the use of enforceable limits, the value of letting consequences do the teaching, and, most important of all, the use of empathy.

Empathy is the hallmark of this approach.  The book highlights the importance of delivering an empathetic response in every interaction with children. The benefits of delivering consequences with empathy include:

• The child is not distracted or overwhelmed by the adult’s anger.
• The child learns to “own” their pain rather than blame it on the adult.
• The adult is seen as being able to handle problems without breaking a sweat.
• The adult-child relationship is maintained on a mutually respectful basis.
• The child learns through modeling to use empathy with others.

Growing through life,

Debi